jenny's belly

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Maybe I've figured it out?

I spend a lot of time trying to figure out why I'm here. I know a lot of people do, but I honestly feel like I was given a second chance to experience life. I basically put myself in the category of those who have died on the operating table only to return to their earthly bodies. It's hard for many to understand, but I feel like I'm on borrowed time. And since you don't get something for nothing, there must be a reason I'm still here... but the more I've looked into it, the more I think maybe the purpose of life isn't to DO something, but rather to BE someone.

So I don't have to invent anything fantastic, but rather make a lasting impression. I struggle with perfectionism in some areas of my life, so "trying to be the best" is not something I'm going for, but rather, to be kind to people. I'd like to be there for people. Be a good listener.

The fact that my dog passed away this summer from stomach cancer bothers me to no end, especially since it took me a few months to come to terms with it. Stomach cancer is rare in dogs and rare in people, so what the hell are the odds we would both have it? And I'd like to throw myself into research and talk to all of my doctors about it and frankly MOVE as soon as possible because clearly there's something in the water... But it's something I can't quite handle, so instead I offer it up.

I see my oncologist on December 15 for my 4 month check-up. No CT scan for a few more months. I always look forward to those scans....

5 comment(s):

Jen, I truly wish there was SOME kind of explanation for why you and Bodo both had stomach cancer - it just defies explanation. Having some kind of cause or rationale for it could make it feel so less random and more controllable. Not being able to have that, at least not now, I think your focus on what you're meant to be after being given a second chance makes a lot of sense. And, please let me be the very first to let you know without a second's hesitation that you have made a HUGE impression on so many people's lives, well before this happened. I say that not only as your friend who loves you, but as someone who has known you forever and has seen how caring and compassionate you are, and always have been.

I remember talking with my Mom after both Mr. Vintro and Ken, a good family friend, both passed away within a couple of months of each other, and both much, much too young. I can't remember if Mom told me about this, or gave it to me to read, but it helped in that moment. Basically, the idea is that we're all here to do or be something in particular, and once we've achieved that, that's when we move on. It helped me to think that Mr. Vintro and Ken, who were both wonderful people, had just finished what they were here to do. And "doing," like you said, doesn't necessarily mean inventing or discovering something that changes the world, but just making a difference in our own ways.

You're clearly not done, my friend, and I believe in my heart of hearts that you're only just beginning. I look forward to having this discussion again with you on your 90th birthday. Of course, by then our conversations will be *entirely* in Kids quotes, but we'll both understand. :-)

Love you! Lisa

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12/03/2009 12:16 PM  

I pray for you! Wish you the best of luck!

- father of two

(Out of hospital after surgery 11/20, and will see oncologist next week.)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12/03/2009 2:57 PM  

Hi, Jenny,

Do you recall your detailed pathology report? What kind of cancer you had? Was it a well differentiated diffuse? or poorly differentiated diffuse? or something else?

Thank you!

-father of two

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12/10/2009 6:36 AM  

Hey Father of Two--I was poorly differentiated. Not even sure what that means! :)

Lis--Don't even know what to say. Love you!

By Blogger Jen, at 1/05/2010 2:25 PM  

Nice story you got here. It would be great to read a bit more concerning that topic. Thanx for sharing this material.
Joan Stepsen
Pharma tech

By Blogger 123 123, at 1/16/2010 9:51 AM  

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