jenny's belly

Overboard

I got cocky and I'm paying for it. I was thinking that I could sleep in a bed all night, or at least periodically. I was also thinking that I could eat normal food.

*Peaches good. Donut holes BAD.
*Water good. Flavored water BAD.
*Eating at restaurants... okay, but are you sure you know what you're doing?

I think the donut holes nearly killed me. I thought I was eating them slowly but I guess not. It was all enjoyable until: DEATH BY DONUT!! Only Homer Simpson and I can say such a thing. Two lousy donut holes and I'm done for. :)

And I've been a huge fan of the flavored drinking waters for years. For some reason, now it burns the back of my throat like I'm drinking cigarettes. Cancerific!

I've been to three restaurants since leaving the hospital monday evening. I had the kids menu once (lots left over) and the adult menu twice. The first time it was like I took the whole meal home. I didn't have lunch today and was hungry by dinnertime (GIANT MISTAKE!) and since the food wasn't hurting and drinking lemonade wasn't hurting, I had a lovely time. I ate a bit less than half and was pleased with myself. Yeah, NOW I know I should have eaten even less, but I was HUNGRY in a RESTAURANT with FOOD in front of me. Well, I've got reflux, aka 'the return of dinner' and just now could NOT get comfortable in bed. I was up there for 2 hours and I've just decided to quit and came downstairs with my pillow and blanket to try to sleep on the porch. The bed is comfortable, but it's the way I have to sleep which isn't. I already have back pain.

I went to my favorite cross stitch store today to see Ellen, who I had last spoken to the day after I learned I had cancer. I wanted to give her an update and breached the subjects I don't really like to think about: Chemotherapy and radiation. I learned that insurance will pay for wigs and now realize if I have to go forward I can choose the "Lucy Red" I've always threatened.

I know I'll learn more with wednesday's appointment. It's another roadmark in the cancer treatment: surgical staples removed, stitch which held chest tube in place removed, and next steps discussed. Especially pathology. Everything they took out of me they sent for analysis. And results are surely back by now, but I don't want to hear about them over the phone. I've gotten enough crappy news over the phone to last a lifetime.

And maybe Dr. Osteen will say he got it all--end of story. But I'm confident in him as a brilliant surgeon, not as God. If he missed one cell it likely will come back again. So I'm actually a bit hopeful that they'll put me through the awful process-- kill everything, please. But at this point, I don't know anymore than you do reading this...

I'm going to try to go to bed AGAIN.
Love,
Jen

posted by Jen at 1:25 AM