jenny's belly

Nap Time

I spend most of my time at work appologizing. Seriously, I continuously forget things. And I found my ability to write professional copy is GONE. I could not write a little introduction to a glossary. Its really frustrating.

I met with my radiology oncologist yesterday for my first 6-month exam. I was able to talk to him about being tired--STILL--and he said it wasn't uncommon. "You've been through a lot." I guess when I hear it from doctors I believe it a bit more than when non-doctors tell me. I figure these doctors see a whole range of patients and if they put ME into the "been through a lot" catergory then it must be true. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being a wimp.

You know, do I *really* need a nap every day? Well, yes, I really do. When I skip them I can't function well the next day. But then, maybe I've always needed an afternoon nap. I remember taking them when I was in college as a freshman and sophomore, before I was working full-time. But this feels more than "gosh, I'd like a nap". More like, "holy crap, if I don't sleep soon I'm going to collapse". And my doctor said that's okay, so I guess it is.

I'd really like to be able to pinpoint a date when I'll be 100% and all my doctors tell me its impossible. They all give me the same advice--just look back a month and be able to say "I'm better now". And I've been able to say that so... I guess that's all I get.

When is my brain function coming back? Its hard to feel like an idiot at work. I want to wear a sign "I wasn't always stupid". Doctors promise me it isn't permanent. I think other cancer patients hide it better. I remember some things and can perform adequately at work, but by no means am I performing up to my baseline standards.

And you know what? Everyone else has more patience with me....THAN me.

posted by Jen at 7:05 AM