checking in
I saw Dan at the gym over the weekend. Finally, someone who can validate that I'm really going to the gym and I'm moving incredibly woosie weights around. I'm up to 10 lb on the hand-weights though. Whoo! Dan and I were both in the free weight room at one point pushing ourselves to a song that has been inspiring athletes for generations: Neil Young's "Sugar Mountain." Ugh. I think they had their radio tuned to the LAMEST station possible. Just dreadful.I had a focus group at Dana Farber this morning. I was really surprised to find there were only three of us there (more of a focus interview, really) but that I was the only one who found most info about cancer via the internet. One woman wouldn't look up or read anything, she left it to her youngest daughter. I guess I just always wanted to know that X symptom was "normal" and in order to find out in between doctors visits, the old internet was available.
After I got back from the group I took a three-hour nap. I think this was only the second time I have ever driven into Dana Farber by myself. I remember going once in the fall for fluids. And with a few exceptions, every other time my poor mom was with me. And 99% of the time she drove too. Its such a crappy, stressful drive.
I've been trying to psych myself up for work, but I just can't help imagining what people will say to me. I know most won't know WHAT to say, so they'll avoid me until they have to deal with me. Maybe its not fair to say "most". I try to imagine what I would do in their shoes, and I would be one of the people who would ignore the white elephant in the room for as long as possible for fear of doing or saying the wrong thing.
Anyway, I have to go make some phone calls so I'd better log off. Thanks so much for checking in on me! :)
posted by Jen at
5:00 PM
1 comment(s):
Hi Jen,
It was great seeing you at the gym. Being seen, in my gym outfit, all sweaty and gross, that's another story. :-)
You, on the other hand, look like you're doing great. I know from the blog that you're pretty tired and have a ways to go to truly feelin' good, but I'd guess that, in the eyes of someone who doesn't know the extent of what you've gone through, you would seem to be perfectly healthy.
And, for that same reason, I suspect that work people will respond to you far better than you're imagining. You look fine and they know you're on the road to recovery. I think the thing that scares folks away is the sense that one is currently very sick and likely to get sicker. They don't know what to say and fear getting involved.
You, on the other hand, are on the upswing. I'd be surprised if you don't have more positive attention from co-workers than you know what do do with - right at the start, anyway.
Then comes the next truism. People like things to keep moving forward in a nice predictable pattern. I suspect, within a few days, most people will want to forget that anything bad ever happened to you and treat you just as they always did and always would have, had you never been sick.
Anyway, that's my thesis on that topic. I look forward to more posts from you to see if I'm even close to right. :-)
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5/09/2006 9:31 AM
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