jenny's belly

Do You Garden?

We're coming up on my 1 year cancer diagnosis anniversary. Maybe I shouldn't celebrate, but its a day I'll never forget. I even remember I was wearing a black top and tan pants. It was sunny but not really hot. My appointment was at 2:00.

I was listening to the radio in the car with my mom this afternoon and they were doing a fund drive for children's hospital. I would never have listened to the stories except I didn't want to be rude and change the channel. I felt myself getting more and more upset as I listened to these poor kids talk about their struggles. "Yeah, this is what I went through" not feeling sorry for themselves, just being matter-of-fact about it. And though they were dealing with tumors and leukemia, things I haven't been through, I just felt so connected to them. My God, I know how they feel. Mom changed the channel just as I was about to burst into tears.

But on an up-note I started reading a fantastic book. It's a memoir in comics, right up my lane. It's called "Cancer made me a shallower person" which is such a smart-ass title I really needed to get this book. It is so perfect for me to read right now. The author is describing her trial with breast cancer, which I can't completely relate to, but I did just have a couple of laugh-out-loud moments with the book:

1. "Now I needed to figure out the etiquette of cancer announcements in the workplace (Miriam Engelberg cordially invites you to join her in reacting to her new CANCER diagnosis. Please, no gifts). Two months earlier a coworker had been diagnosed with cervical cancer. She was a consultant, so she opted to meet with staff members in small groups (Project Timeline: Surgery, Path Report, Radiation; Next I'd like to go around and hear each of your reactions). I wasn't the small group type so I decided to just sendout an email (To: All staff. From: Miriam. Subject: I have Breast Cancer. Also, the new intro to excel manual is finished)."
-->Some of you might remember my group email. It was the only thing I could think of! The first people I told even got the interrupted email where my blackberry sent it out before I was finished writing. That was a good one! I hadn't gotten to the part of mentioning I had cancer.

2. "I've always wanted to be one of those non-self-revealing type people... (Oh, wow! There's that woman who never talks. She's so mysterious and alluring!)"
--> Many of you may find it hard to believe I almost never talk at my current job. Really. I never get in trouble anymore for laughing too loud.
"...So I tried to restrain my tell-all tendencies (Uh-oh, here comes that woman who works at the corner store. Ok-you can do this. Just smile and say "hi"). I was not successful. (Hi, how are you? --I HAVE BREAST CANCER!) I figured I should just give up any pretense of restraint and announce it publicly. (Hello, you're on "Car Talk.")"
-->Oh, that one got me laughing! At the time, I really wanted to find a way so that everyone knew immediately that I had cancer without me having to tell them. In the same way that you can identify I'm a female with brown hair. You'd just know. I was willing to wear a shirt saying "I have cancer" if necessary. I just love the idea of calling car talk. Its a really good thing I didn't think of that back then because I just might have done it.

Anyway, I think I'm going to enjoy this book because she's very honest, sarcastic, and not at all touchy-feely. Those "smile and bear it" books and stories are just too much. They're unreadable for cancer patients and just make everyone else feel like lesser people. Right now I'm in a part of the book where she's convinced it was cheese that gave her cancer, and someone in her support group thinks it was oil painting.

I was in a class tuesday where one woman mentioned to a friend that someone she knew had breast cancer, and the second woman actually asked "Well, did she garden?" I was so dumb-struck I never did learn if gardening was a good thing or a bad thing.

Don't be stupid, you shouldn't be gardening! There are bugs out there, bugs and dirt that give you cancer!

What, you don't garden? It's the only way to AVOID cancer, stupid!

I'm thinking, well, I have gardened in the past, but I didn't really like it...

posted by Jen at 9:22 PM