By Accident, but not "Early"
I wake up between 3am and 4am every morning. MAN that is annoying. I think it proves I'm sort of napping, even at night- I only sleep 3 hours at a time. And when I first sit up in bed... well, since losing the functional part of my esophagus I burp like a truck driver. It goes like this: "[burp] OW!... [burp] ow, dammit..." I'm just as surprised to hear it as everyone else. I've completely lost the ability to burp daintily and like a lady. GONE. And it hurts which is a nice bonus. Dear lord I hope that is not permanent!!So the staples are gone-- YAY! I was actually able to sleep on one SIDE earlier tonight! A miracle!! But I was too flat in bed--not enough pillows, and acid reflux woke me up instead of the usual general uncomfortableness (is that a word?). Still, it feels much better to have all that metal gone. My surgeon, the most stoic man you'd ever meet, said my chest looks like part of the Atchison, Topeka & Santa Fe. Hehehe. :)
And I asked him about Celiac's disease. I figure- this man has made the gastric system his life's work, who would know better? I read that if I IGNORE symptoms of celiac's disease I could damage my intestines eventually leading to cancer. I asked this as he's plucking the staples out... "you have other things to worry about."
"Really? Because the nutritionists were very worked up about it while I was here."
"Oh, nutritionists on the loose again..." (Isn't that a Loverboy song?)
He said that until I have symptoms I'm okay. Finally, the voice of REASON! So bring on the cake! (Can you believe I wasn't allowed to have Ovaltine? That's anti-American!)
So pathology... Well, Dr. Osteen said he wouldn't consider it caught "early" anymore as I'd always thought. I knew lots of "stuff" was sent to pathology but wasn't really thinking that anything would come back. I KNOW that sounds dumb, but there you go. I figured it would be "yes, you had cancer"...
I had lymph nodes near my esophagus removed, and it turns out 2 were cancerous. Soooooooo that could mean it's in my blood and cancer has moved in somewhere else. It could also mean nothing except HOLY CRAP I can't believe it was found by accident. Can you BELIEVE this? There was cancer in my stomach, moving out to my lymph nodes, and it was all found by accident... it's the big reason I can stay upbeat and optimistic. UNREAL.
So the next course of action is what you would expect. I have an appointment Friday at Dana Farber. Yes, THIS Friday (they don't mess around, huh?). I'm not certain if Chemo will start right away, but I assume this is where I meet with an oncologist to discuss treatment options. I will also meet with radiation, though I'm not sure how they can pin point any cancer to zap. That may just be a formality. My surgeon described the next steps as designed to "continue beating" on me. Ugh.
But in the meantime, my aunt Joanne went home (I couldn't have done it without you Auntie Jo!) and my best friend Lisa (aka Dr. Crazy Old Lady) is here through labor day. Can you believe she's never had a Dairy Queen Blizzard?
Oh, thanks to Sarah for sending me some beautiful note cards which forced me to accept that I can't possibly hand-make my thank you cards as I've been trying to do. It's just impossible. The measuring and the cutting and the glue and the ribbon, oh yes, it's lovely, but I'll be done by new years at this pace!
I don't meant to single Sarah out, as I continue to receive wonderful and warm messages from my extended family and my friends who are like family to me. I am so thankful for the witty and the touching gifts, and I love all of you for thinking of me!!
Jen
posted by Jen at
3:33 AM
11 comment(s):
Sooo I guess I'm not the only one up at 3:30 am? I gotta go to bed. Today I couldn't remember what day it was...
By
Anonymous, at
9/01/2005 3:50 AM
Oh Barb 2, it must be hard enough just remembering which Barb you are. I'm the only Barb Pi (also a Loverboy song - or maybe Brian Adams?) and I still get confused sometimes.
So I was hoping, Jen, that you wouldn't need any more medical insights from me - as you were headed to a life free of hospitals - but I guess it doesn't look like that's gonna happen. You seem determined to out-do me, don't ya?
Actually, I'm quite angry at the world right now that you have to go through any more of this but you're always so positive that I'm not going to go on about it.
I'll just do as I always do and misdirect my anger to some telephone rep while arguing over my gas bill or something and get back to thinking positive thoughts for you.
To that end:If ya gotta do chemo, there isn't (in my humble opinion) a better place in the world to be than Dana Farber.
Also, Lori (my friend there) called me to apologize for not coming to see you. She was away for a few weeks and felt badly that she missed you. At the time, I hoped you'd never have reason to meet. Since it looks like you'll be hanging around her place of work a bit more, maybe she'll get her chance to redeem herself now.
I'm going in for my yearly check-up in a few weeks and will probably see her then. If you want, I can catch her up on your situation. She was eager to know how you're doing. Or, if not, I won't go blabbing about you without permission.
Sorry for the long message. Didn't mean to steal so much cyber space from the rest of ya....
By
Anonymous, at
9/01/2005 10:02 AM
Hi Jennifer,
Finally got to a computer again here in Holland. I'm happy to hear you're home, but sorry to hear about all your troubles getting comfortable and starting to eat real food. Hope things will get better!
Willemien
By
Anonymous, at
9/01/2005 11:15 AM
Seriously?
You've got friends and supporters in Holland?
You are one popular woman.
You really gotta think about that politician thing again when this is all over. That, or celebrity spokes model.
By
Anonymous, at
9/01/2005 1:32 PM
That stinks that you'll have to get beaten on some more. Can't you get a note from your mom to get out of it or something? Or maybe you could tell the docs that you would prefer another entree from their menu?
I was up at 4:50 this morning due to Vivian sleeping. Heck, usually Carter wakes me every night to go potty too but he let me off last night figuring his sister would take care of me. If you were here and you would be up anyway, perhaps you would help Carter to the potty for me? That would be nice. But seriously, I do again wish you long deep rest . . . soon. Sleep deprovation is awful. But at least you can have a piece of cake now, right?
Take care,
Jenn Crane
By
Anonymous, at
9/01/2005 2:02 PM
it's deprivation . . isn't it? I'm a terrible speller and I like to believe it's a sign of intelligence.
:)
By
Anonymous, at
9/01/2005 2:03 PM
At the risk of upsetting Dan, aka Barb Pi, I offer a new motto for Jenn C. -
"Bad spellers of the world, UNTIE!"
By
Anonymous, at
9/01/2005 2:10 PM
Jen: Now apart from the painful belching and the railroad tracks, you've got a lot of the same symptoms as I do? Could this all be a sick and demented dream, and you really are just pregnant?
By
Anonymous, at
9/01/2005 3:43 PM
back to the cross stitch store my Jen- Lisa needs to meet her! Team Schmidt unite!!
By
Anonymous, at
9/01/2005 4:23 PM
As always Jen, you are in my prayers. I believe that, just like everything else thus far, finding the cancer in the lymph nodes was luck. I have faith that it hasn't gone beyond that area. The chemo will just be going "above and beyone" to make sure you are totally healthy when it's all said and done.
Let us know how today goes....
Hey Tina---have a blast in Paris!!!
By
Anonymous, at
9/02/2005 2:56 PM
Oh Jen. . . How could I have forgotten about the tucking in of the shirt?! I must have blocked it from my memory. . . Mr. Redding did have that interesting habit of checking his fly as well. What was it with these male teachers?
I hope Friday went as well as it could. With any luck, you got some answers to all your questions. It's far worse wondering and imagining all the possibilities than it is to actually know what is going on.
Hope you have a wonderful, relaxing Labor day weekend. I will be thinking of you all. Take care! Kelly B
By
Anonymous, at
9/03/2005 10:58 AM
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