jenny's belly

I Can't Drive 35

I drove today for the first time in a month. It was a beautiful evening and I had my windows down, sunroof open, and a full tank of gas. Well, exciting as it COULD have been, I only drove across town to my condo. No big deal. :) Turning left hurts (fyi, your stomach is under your left lung), seatbelt hurts, bucket seat kinda hurts, driving fast makes bumps more pronounced... But independence and cranked-up tunes made it worth it!

I got home and turned the A/C to 68 (it was at 72 but really stuffy) and sat down on my bed for the first time in a long time. I even stretched out and put on the TV. HOLY UNCOMFORTABLENESS batman. For the first time I realized that my brother's ridiculously soft bed might be better than my bed for this stage in my healing. I bet I was on that bed 10 minutes tops.

I checked my answering machine, and some messages were from August 11 (oops). The thing was completely full and nothing was important (mostly reminders for doctor's appts and well-wishes (thank you!!)). I thought about shutting it off but left it on. I hope no one leaves any messages on it that require action. I'm as good with voicemail as I am responding to email. :)

I didn't eat today until 8pm. It's strange to me how sometimes the idea of eating just turns my stomach inside out, even as I KNOW I'm supposed to eat 6 times. There was nothing I wanted to eat. I ended up eating a frozen dinner I brought from the condo. And a chocolate chip cookie. The cookie was a bad idea. I feel blah again. I'm thinking about making tea. I *LIVE* on tea and crackers. Oyster crackers are my favorite. Mini saltines in fun shapes!

I went to the cape Friday and paid for it all day Saturday. I even had to take an oxycodone, which I had been off for awhile. Today has been better, but I hurt more than I did earlier in the week. I'm back to holding my left side like something might fall out.

Two steps forward, one step back.

I've discovered an ability to selectively listen. I just remembered my radiologist saying the cure rate is 50% for stomach cancer. And I dismissed this information without it upsetting me. "Yes, well, those people were more sick than me." How the heck do I know that?!

Lisa, how are we coming on those "Touch me, I'm super-soft" T-shirts?

posted by Jen at 9:40 PM