Inhumane Treatment
I had a pretty mopey day yesterday though I really only cried at night. I'm back to feeling sick and not wanting to eat anything. And carrying this chemo thing around is depressing as hell. Not a second goes by that I'm not reminded of what I'm going through. It's inhumane. I hate it all so much.I had radiation this morning (yes, Sunday) because I have to have 4 days in a row (at least) and they're closed on thanksgiving. And they're closed on friday too. Which is a bit of good news. I'll get to go four days without radiation. Radiation doesn't bother me, it's the drive in that I hate. It's so tedious. And when I feel like crap I don't want to socialize. Like when my mom takes me in, I nap the whole time. But I feel like I should socialize with the people kind enough to bring me to the hospital. I need to get over that.
I got some fluids today because usually when I'm crying it's because I'm also dehydrated. I've eaten four saltine crackers today. I'm trying to eat some lemon jello right now. My mother would like for me to eat some steak to help my blood levels. I just don't think I can do it. I've only thrown up twice today, and both were in the middle of the night but I always FEEL like I'm going to throw up which is actually worse.
And don't get me started on smells. I didn't notice it last time, but a common side effect is for everything to smell bad. I'm simplifying, obviously, but I've noticed toxic smells in the christmas ornament section of Target, a Best Buy flyer was too chemically strong for me to even look through it, and I can smell food from miles away.
Chemotherapy is torture. I think I'd rather be in jail. I don't know that for certain, but it seems like jail would be managable.
"Jen, will you take your current chemo and radiation schedule or go for what's behind door number two?"
"Oh, door number two. Definitely, Bob."
"Are you sure? It could be worse than what you have now."
"I doubt that Bob!"
posted by Jen at
5:20 PM
6 comment(s):
Have you tried drinking beer? When my uncle was undergoing chemo for lung cancer, he didn't feel like eating, but he kept up his beer consumption. My aunt swore that's what saw him through. Of course, this was in the 70s when they probably didn't have all the restrictions on aclcohol. But hey, might make you feel better. . .
By
Terri Kennedy, at
11/20/2005 10:23 PM
Jen,
I'm a fellow Jenny, and a fan of yours (albeit a ghost one) for a couple of months now. I actually work at Simmons College, right down the street from the Farber, where my aunt is a doctor. I just wanted to say that your ability to handle this with such humor is awe-inspiring. I'm rooting for you!!!
Best,
Jenny
By
Anonymous, at
11/21/2005 1:28 PM
No, you do not want to pass Go and go immediately to jail. When you go to jail, they could throw away the key and forget about you. The chemo is the KEY to killing your cancer, so no prison for you!!
I wish I had enough $$$ to throw a party for you (at the Four Seasons in Boston no less!) and invite all of your blog friends. I would love to meet these folks who have such kind words for you. Hang in there, my friend!!
By
Anonymous, at
11/21/2005 3:31 PM
Ok speaking as the designated Wednesday transporter - nap away !!!! No need to socialize or entertain me. Bring a "binky", a pillow , eyeshades, ear plugs whatever makes you comfy. Bring me your favorite music choices on CD and I'll play it.. whatever you need! If you're feeling crappy - I'll be sure to have a bucket & towel in the car for you.
I can get into and out of the hospital no problem. I do, however admit I definitely need guidance THROUGH the hospital. Getting from garage to radiation is the challenge. I need your help for that - or a map - or they need better wayfinding signage (sorry too many years of being an event planner/trade show coordinator)
"we're walking, we're walking..." "Are you sure we're still in Boston feels like we walked to Cambridge??".
Hang in there... you're doing great
XOXO
By
Anonymous, at
11/21/2005 5:34 PM
Jen: You have to be encouraged by the fact that so many people support and sympathize with you. There's not a single one among us who would wish what you're going through on their worst enemy (maybe Saddam Hussein or Osama bin Laden...hey - they don't believe in our God anyways, so I don't think it's wrong to say that). However, you are going to beat this this thing and you are inspiring so many friends, family and even strangers while you are at it that it's just amazing. Keep up your courage, and enjoy the Thanksgiving holiday. Think of all the positive things you've got to be thankful and try - at least for the day - to forget about the bad things that consume so much of your thoughts. BTW - I couldn't get into your site for some reason for a couple of days...still not sure what the problem was, but I'm glad to see I can access it again. Take care.
By
Anonymous, at
11/22/2005 2:28 PM
Thanks to everyone for your always amazing comments. And I have no idea why the blog was down !?! because I didn't make any changes to it, but hopefully it's all set now. Silly thing.
This thanksgiving, I'm thankful for YOU!!!
By
Jen, at
11/23/2005 3:03 PM
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