jenny's belly

Friday, April 18, 2008

The Summer Day by Mary Oliver

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down into the grass,
how to kneel down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed,
how to stroll through the fields, which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

[I really like this poem and thought to share it.]

Thursday, April 03, 2008

so many doctors

I have a handful of doctor's appointments next week, one of them I'm psyched about. I see my lovely oncologist, and there's no CT scan so the worst he'll have to tell me is that my blood is crap. Which I already know it is. The best thing he can tell me is that I'm going to need an iron infusion (please please please) but I doubt I'll be that lucky. Maybe I'll stop taking the iron pill "when I remember" (instead of twice a day--never) so that my odds of the infusion will increase. My mom is afraid to get a cortisone shot in her knee. I can't relate anymore, though I tried. A shot? Who cares about a shot! Who even cares about an infusion! Just don't poison me again, please. :)

The appt I'm excited about is with a physiatrist. Looks like I spelled that wrong, but if I'm getting this right, she's part physical therapist, part physician. That's how she was "sold" to me anyway. She will help me figure out how to exercise without destroying my back (much better, by the way) and with the extreme limitations of my stomach (can't lie flat, can't touch toes, can't be a little tea pot with a handle and a spout, etc etc). I'm excited to meet someone EDUCATED who understands (I read about her, she's a breast cancer survivor) from many different perspectives. Plus, I love almost everyone at Dana Farber so don't feel I can really be steered wrong.

I've also got my lousy annual exam with my PCP. Will be just glad to get it overwith. I always feel like its a waste of time. I meet with an endocrinologist later in the month, to make sure my bones aren't going to turn to chalk (as featured in previous post as worst nightmare). I haven't seen her in 2 years so its a good time to catch up.

I feel like setting up appointments with every other doctor just so I can meet with them all in April. Off the top of my head there are 2 more docs plus my dentist (who I will see after my cleaning in 2 weeks). Sigh....

Feeling well, though tired. Once I pass my lousy financial exam I can go to the neuropsych dept to be tested. I swear I have add. While studying for my exam I have caught myself studying my PENCIL, picking at the lamp shade, looking at my sweatshirt, etc I'm so easily distracted now, its a joke. Process speed sucks, retention is down, recall is crap, but on the up side, my hair has grown back curly, which is kind of cool because it was curly when I was a little girl. A lovely benefit to hair regrowth I didn't think I'd get to be a part of. Yay!