jenny's belly

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Maybe I've figured it out?

I spend a lot of time trying to figure out why I'm here. I know a lot of people do, but I honestly feel like I was given a second chance to experience life. I basically put myself in the category of those who have died on the operating table only to return to their earthly bodies. It's hard for many to understand, but I feel like I'm on borrowed time. And since you don't get something for nothing, there must be a reason I'm still here... but the more I've looked into it, the more I think maybe the purpose of life isn't to DO something, but rather to BE someone.

So I don't have to invent anything fantastic, but rather make a lasting impression. I struggle with perfectionism in some areas of my life, so "trying to be the best" is not something I'm going for, but rather, to be kind to people. I'd like to be there for people. Be a good listener.

The fact that my dog passed away this summer from stomach cancer bothers me to no end, especially since it took me a few months to come to terms with it. Stomach cancer is rare in dogs and rare in people, so what the hell are the odds we would both have it? And I'd like to throw myself into research and talk to all of my doctors about it and frankly MOVE as soon as possible because clearly there's something in the water... But it's something I can't quite handle, so instead I offer it up.

I see my oncologist on December 15 for my 4 month check-up. No CT scan for a few more months. I always look forward to those scans....